He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
