I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
