living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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