I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
