I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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