Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
