I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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