Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
