ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
