We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
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You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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