Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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