I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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