I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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