i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
