My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
