maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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