I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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