Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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