You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
