bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
