I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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