i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think I died a long time ago.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
