Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
