mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize