so explain again why im purple
no
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
