my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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