my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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