I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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