They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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