just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we made out on top of his cat.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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