forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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