I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
