that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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