Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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