I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
