I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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