I faked an abortion last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
third nipple confirmed
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
