how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she told me i tasted like america
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
