i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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