Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
