You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
