I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
