Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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