Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
