i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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