I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
