He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Randomize
