he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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