yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
