I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
