I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
