I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
