The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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