you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
