I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hippo gnu deer
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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