You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
