I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
