honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
