i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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