how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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