Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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