I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
