Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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