I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
