no, he came in my armpit
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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