I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
