If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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