i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
