just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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