i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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