my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the gays at disneyland are vicious
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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