So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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