How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
